I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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