I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
