u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
