I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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