That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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