operation harelip BJ is a go
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
