I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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