I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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