dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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