96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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