I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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