Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
