Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"

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  (253): i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis" http://tfl.nu/kjwy
  Replies (12) Good night (7007) Bad night (780)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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  (720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj
  Replies (17) Good night (661) Bad night (2985)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.

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  (208): Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge. http://tfl.nu/9q10
  Replies (24) Good night (4003) Bad night (502)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

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  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5905) Bad night (768)
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  (661): View more from California

  Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds

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  (661): Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds http://tfl.nu/3651
  Replies (13) Good night (6342) Bad night (702)
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  (707): View more from California

  I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on

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  (707): I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on http://tfl.nu/0k8v
  Replies (26) Good night (3017) Bad night (1077)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.

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  (413): He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing. http://tfl.nu/up8v
  Replies (8) Good night (1251) Bad night (4255)
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  (650): View more from California

  It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.

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  (650): It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water. http://tfl.nu/g5w6
  Replies (14) Good night (741) Bad night (2585)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.

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  (301): so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq. http://tfl.nu/u32g
  Replies (7) Good night (883) Bad night (1505)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  He was the one that got away. From my vagina.

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  (647): He was the one that got away. From my vagina. http://tfl.nu/504c
  Replies (8) Good night (1444) Bad night (492)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.

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  (906): I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am. http://tfl.nu/v9bt
  Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (439)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒

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  (540): Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒 http://tfl.nu/mpql
  Replies (4) Good night (796) Bad night (406)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.

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  (772): Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid. http://tfl.nu/hte9
  Replies (9) Good night (482) Bad night (1859)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen

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  (412): with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen http://tfl.nu/zqf6
  Replies (6) Good night (853) Bad night (405)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?

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  (262): Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore? http://tfl.nu/hk51
  Replies (2) Good night (376) Bad night (286)

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