i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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