R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
