i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt