i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?