Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
