No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.