Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We just shotgunned beers for America
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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