i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
