it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
