Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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