do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
