She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
