Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
