My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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