Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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