How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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