The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
