"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
