i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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