i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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