I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
