ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Maybe he injected his testicle?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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