i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
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Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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