just come out here and I will go home with you...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
