His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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