Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
