I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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