I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
