OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
