so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
