I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
