I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
