I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm really into asian looking animals
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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