he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
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I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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