Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
