Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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