Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
