just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
