shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish you could order shots online.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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