hotel room ftw
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
