My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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