just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize