I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
