chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
