Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
