he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you had me at cake vodka
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
