my room smells like sperm. sweet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
