If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
