Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
