Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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