That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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