So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
