Nicole vs. Life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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