OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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