brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
