Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
