How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Randomize
