Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
