dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
