I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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