don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
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i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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