Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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