The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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