Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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