The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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