Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
