i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
