i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
