I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
