And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
