Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
