Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A bitchslap is in order.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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