I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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