So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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