dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
